🎄 Holidays & Dementia: Preparing for Change and Embracing a New Normal
By Jennifer Riggs, Director of Dementia Services, Dementia Family Support (DFS)
The holidays have a special way of stirring emotion — the glow of lights, the familiar songs, the smell of family recipes passed down through generations. But for families living with dementia, this season can bring a mix of joy, confusion, and heartbreak. The traditions that once brought comfort can suddenly feel overwhelming or out of reach.
That’s not because the spirit of the holidays is gone — it’s because dementia changes the way the brain experiences the world. When we understand those changes, we can prepare differently, respond more gently, and create new traditions rooted in connection instead of perfection.
🧠 The Holiday Brain: Why the Season Feels Different
Dementia isn’t just about memory loss — it’s a brain change that affects how a person sees, feels, and interprets the world. During the holidays, the environment becomes louder, busier, and more unpredictable — all things that can heighten anxiety and confusion.
Let’s break down a few of the key brain regions affected:
- The Hippocampus (Memory Center): This part of the brain stores new information and connects it with old memories. As it changes, your loved one may not remember who certain guests are or why everyone is gathering. They may seem disinterested or even frightened by unfamiliar faces or settings.
- The Prefrontal Cortex (Planning and Decision-Making): This area helps us organize, initiate, and control impulses. When impaired, “simple” tasks like choosing clothes, serving food, or following conversation can feel impossible. Too many choices or too much stimulation can trigger frustration or refusal.
- The Amygdala (Emotion Center): This region processes feelings and threats. With dementia, emotions are more raw and reactive. The person may cry easily, lash out, or cling to someone familiar — not out of willfulness, but out of fear or insecurity.
Recognizing these changes allows us to shift our expectations — from what’s wrong to what’s needed.
🔎 Red Flags to Watch For During Holiday Visits
For some families, the holidays are the only time they truly see how their loved one is doing. Here are a few red flags that may indicate cognitive decline is progressing:
- Changes in appearance or hygiene: Wearing the same clothes repeatedly or looking unkempt can suggest difficulty managing daily tasks.
- Weight loss or spoiled food: May signal forgetfulness, poor appetite, or decreased ability to cook safely.
- Withdrawal or repetition: Repeating the same stories or withdrawing from conversation can indicate communication challenges.
- Agitation or confusion in crowds: Too much sensory input can cause distress — even in once-social individuals.
- Unsafe behaviors: Leaving the stove on, wandering, or mixing up medications are signs that additional supervision or care support is needed.
These observations aren’t meant to scare you. They’re reminders that dementia is progressive — and awareness is the first step in planning for safety and well-being.
❤️ Accepting a “New Normal”
One of the hardest things for families to face is that holidays won’t look the same — but different doesn’t have to mean less special.
There is grief in the loss of how things used to be — the big family dinners, the laughter, the sense of “normal.” Allow yourself to acknowledge that grief. But also allow space for new meaning.
- Simplify. Limit large gatherings. Choose quieter settings and shorter visits. Focus on the people and moments that bring comfort, not chaos.
- Adapt traditions. Instead of hosting, bake one favorite cookie recipe together. Watch old movies. Play familiar music. Small, predictable activities can spark emotional memory.
- Honor old memories gently. Avoid quizzing (“Do you remember who this is?”). Instead, share with warmth: “Dad, this is your sister, Mary. She came to visit because she loves you.”
- Embrace flexibility. If things go off-script — that’s okay. What matters is connection, not completion.
Acceptance means learning to meet your loved one in the present moment — and allowing this year to be enough.
🕯️ Finding Joy in Simplicity
When the noise quiets down, dementia teaches us to slow our pace and notice what really matters.
- A gentle touch during a carol
- The sparkle in their eyes when the tree lights turn on
- The comfort of holding hands during prayer
- A shared laugh, even if you’ve told the same story three times
These moments — small but genuine — are the ones your loved one’s heart will hold onto long after the details fade.
💬 Caregiver Reflection: Give Yourself Permission
As caregivers, we often carry the pressure to make the holidays “perfect.” But perfect is no longer the goal — presence is.
If your loved one naps through dinner or declines to open gifts, let that be okay. If you feel sadness or resentment, let that be okay too. You are grieving change while still giving love — and that’s the hardest, most human work of all.
This season, give yourself permission to:
- Set boundaries with compassion.
- Ask for help — from family, friends, or professionals.
- Say “no” to traditions that no longer serve your family.
- Take breaks and nourish yourself.
You cannot pour from an empty cup, and the holidays are no exception.
🌟 When It’s Time for Extra Support
Sometimes, the best gift you can give is ensuring your loved one — and you — are safe and supported.
If the holidays highlight a clear need for help, know that options exist:
- In-home care services can provide respite and hands-on help during busy times.
- Adult day programs can offer routine, stimulation, and supervision in a social setting.
- Senior living or memory care communities can create safety, comfort, and purpose when care needs increase.
As shared in our “Surviving the Holidays” presentation with Oasis Senior Advisors, asking for help isn’t failure — it’s wisdom. It’s love expressed through preparation.
💞 Final Thoughts
Holidays and dementia can feel like walking through snow — uneven, unpredictable, sometimes cold. But when we walk together, when we slow our steps and hold hands, we can still find warmth and meaning.
Let this be the year you give yourself permission to do things differently — to redefine what “happy holidays” means for your family.
“The holidays may change, but the heart of the season — love, comfort, and connection — remains the same.”
From all of us at Dementia Family Support and Oasis Senior Advisors, may your season be filled with peace, presence, and moments of joy.
